During November and December, I see many people dealing with Holiday stress. There are many different worries that people have about the holidays but most of them are related to family, time, and money.
My patients are often conflicted about spending time with with their families. Sometimes it has to do with conflicts among family members. People worry about arguments ruining the day. Other people are estranged from family members and this is a very difficult time for them. For whatever reason, people often feel like something is wrong with them if they don't have the stereotypical big family gathering.
Another difficult issue is time. With marriages and divorces and remarriages, some families are trying to visit four sets of grandparents during a very short time period. There is a lot of pressure to see everyone and hurt feelings often cannot be avoided.
The third main stressor is money. Whether money is lacking for presents, taking time off, or travel, people are often worried about disappointing their loved ones on Christmas.
My advice to people during the holidays is to relax. I know it sounds easy, but the key to relaxing is prioritizing really what they want to do. I ask patients to prioritize what they want to accomplish this holiday season and to set their time and money in a way to accomplish it. I help them figure out if their wants are reasonable and realistic - and if not - to readjust their expectations. I also help them recognize what they feel obligated to do and whether or not they want to meet those obligations or change the expectations that others have for them. I help them find ways of setting limits and saying "no" to requests that they cannot or do not want to fulfill.
Not all situations can be fixed for the holidays. It is important for everyone to recognize that they do not have to have a picture-perfect holiday for it to be successful. Spending time with loved ones is more important than what gifts are exchanged.
Enjoy the holiday season and take time to reflect on what it means to you.
